Compliments and Blunt Truth

So yesterday my pheromones must have been throwing off hella vibes or I was looking extra beautiful or available or something because while i was out and about yesterday  I got more compliments and come ons that I have in a long while.   Of course it was an ego booster because what girl doesn't like to be acknowledged as beautiful and complimented on it by reasonably attractive men?

I have always been outspoken not one to beat around the bush and honest to a point when asked a question.  So as I sit in a restaurant waiting for my best friend to show up and have lunch with me  a guy walks past my table and does a double take.  He stops and tells me I am beautiful.  I smile and tell him thank you and that I appreciate the compliment.   So I am thinking he will just move on just like the others do that day, but he had other plans in mind.  He stands by my table and told me he liked what he saw and asked me do I have a boyfriend.  

I was a bit shocked but flattered of course and I answered that i did not.  So he then proceeded to ask me why is a beautiful woman like me single.  I hesitated a bit because my friend told me I need to not be so blunt with why i am single.  She has told me  maybe you should flirt a bit or go on a date before you spring it on them.   I though about it for a second and then decided hey might as well let him know in advance why I am single.  I looked him strait in the eyes and told him  " The main reason I am single is because i am celibate"

He looked at me  strangely and left without another word.  As he walked away I started laughing knowing he could hear me.  It was  so apparent after his reaction he must have thought I was an easy target.  He didn't even try for the graceful exit or any platitudes or even my table or food is waiting he just left.  Me and my friend had a good laugh about that and we laughed aloud  when he had to pass by our table to leave.

I guess he thought a few compliments would get him in my panties quick fast and in a hurry.  He was not expecting me to be so blunt about why I was single and since I took sex out of the immediate equation he had no reason to keep spitting his game on me.  I was not insulted I was more amused than anything because  he just proved why I was single.  

Oh My God She is Celibate!

When I say I am celibate that doesn’t mean I am a prude

I have chosen to save myself and not give it up to any guy in the mood

When I say I am celibate it doesn’t mean I am a frigid bitch

I have decided to exercise discipline and not scratch my body’s every itch

When I say I am celibate it’s not because I hate sex

I have decided to save my love for the man I love the best

When I say I am celibate that doesn’t mean I am not open minded

I want to be free and do many things with a man with who I am binded

When I say that I am celibate I have chosen to know you more

Than our bodies meshing and orgasm impressing this is what he is good for

When I say I am celibate know it takes more than your bedroom score to impress.

I want the kind that can use his mind to know me intimately.

When I am say I am celibate  it should be a relief to you

At least you know you won’t be involved with a bug-a-boo

I have said I am celibate and that I won’t be easy to get

Now its up to God to send me the man who will appreciate everything past the sex!

I change all the time my style never stays the same.
Change is good.

I change all the time my style never stays the same.
Change is good.

The Empty loneliness I am feeling

Here I sit at 3:00 in the morning and yet again i can't sleep.  I get so lonely and frustrated at times with my relationship status.  I get tired of the  wishing for someone to be close to me.  I get tired of my preference for  soft romantic music that doesn't help the feelings that I am feeling right now. I get tired of  wishing I could find that man who will  be able to be the most important things I am wishing for in a relationship.  I am sitting here listening to Raheem Devaughn, Musiq Soulchild, India Arie and all those smooth soul types and I am realizing how much music can affect a mood.  Is it too much to ask for a guy that is honest, caring. responsible?

I decided to  keep my body to myself and that is one of the hardest things I have had to do.  Feeling a warm body and arms wrapped around my waist is a feeling I want to feel so bad right now.  I really don't know what to do.

Secret Crush on Big Women

I am a person who is an avid you tube video watcher.  a person can find information on just about any subject, any music video, any view point or pictures of any kind of people you want on there.  I do a lot of research secretly there for classes because all I have to do is type in a subject and a plethora of videos pertaining to that subject pop up.  One thing I am interested in on a personal note because I am a big girl is are there a lot of people attracted to women and who those people are.

Well needless to say there are many videos of big women on there of all sizes, shapes and backgrounds on there doing any and everything short of showing their genitals and nipples.  So  After finding many of the videos i scrolled down the comment list and  picked a few random comments from people who seemed to be big girl admires.  I found that most of those people were anonymous.  I found about 8 out of the 10 horny comments were from people who had no pictures on their pages and no real information about themselves. I was not really surprised because I have found on sites that cater to people who like bbw's and ssbbw many of the most vocal and vulgar men complimenting women are the nameless faceless void.

If you go to any videos that say anything about bbw, large stomach,  huge ass, ssbbw, fat or any other thing you want to find on a big woman you will find many of those videos have  100's of thousands of views and many compliments and  appreciation of  seeing a big cottage cheesy stomach or jiggly thighs or any other part.

The problem I feel is not that we cannot get men but the fat lovers are in the closet just as people who are afraid of what people will think if they let people know they are gay.  Many people are afraid to reveal their inner desires and wants because of the stigma attached to it.  They are worried about the looks and snickers and disapproving  comments.  People are worried about people questioning their judgment and  treating them differently because of their attraction to someone who is not considered by main stream as attractive or the perfect person.

So many people don't allow themselves to do what they want because they are worried about another person's perception of what they should be doing.  That is such a big mistake because one day they will wake up bitter and angry because to late they realized that they should have lived for themselves instead of someone else perception of what they should be doing.

Forget History

These kids out here don’t know their history

Forget about those who struggled for their freedom

Rapping about things and they don’t know the reason

Talking about you don’t care about history

Do you remember the time when our people wore potato sacks?

Now you feel unworthy if your belt and shoes don’t match?

Could they be standing there if  the Harriet Tubmans hadn’t paved the way?

Risking life and limbs to free our people

Just 50 years ago we were not created equal

I listen to this idiocy about not caring about history

I scratch my head and wonder at the mystery of

Forgetting the past and the reason they can rap in that microphone and diss history’s ass

Scratching my head.

These kids out here say they don’t want to read

In between the lines is where we read  to find the conspiracy worked

Of how they kept black people subservient for decades and for centuries

How can you say the man has kept us down when you haven’t read how he did?

That attitude of complacency and ignorance well I can tell you that’s about it!

Not knowing and growing and thinking for ourselves. 

Puppets on a string pulled by the master. 

Knowledge was and is the power when we learned tradition changed during the hours

When one black man learned better and he taught another better too.

Before you say you don’t care about history

Think about what you saying are you talking nonsense or are you using your brain?

And moving forward to making the struggles  and the dreams of  Martin Luther King worth it