Saturday, November 13, 2010

The Empty loneliness I am feeling

Here I sit at 3:00 in the morning and yet again i can't sleep.  I get so lonely and frustrated at times with my relationship status.  I get tired of the  wishing for someone to be close to me.  I get tired of my preference for  soft romantic music that doesn't help the feelings that I am feeling right now. I get tired of  wishing I could find that man who will  be able to be the most important things I am wishing for in a relationship.  I am sitting here listening to Raheem Devaughn, Musiq Soulchild, India Arie and all those smooth soul types and I am realizing how much music can affect a mood.  Is it too much to ask for a guy that is honest, caring. responsible?

I decided to  keep my body to myself and that is one of the hardest things I have had to do.  Feeling a warm body and arms wrapped around my waist is a feeling I want to feel so bad right now.  I really don't know what to do.

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Secret Crush on Big Women

I am a person who is an avid you tube video watcher.  a person can find information on just about any subject, any music video, any view point or pictures of any kind of people you want on there.  I do a lot of research secretly there for classes because all I have to do is type in a subject and a plethora of videos pertaining to that subject pop up.  One thing I am interested in on a personal note because I am a big girl is are there a lot of people attracted to women and who those people are.

Well needless to say there are many videos of big women on there of all sizes, shapes and backgrounds on there doing any and everything short of showing their genitals and nipples.  So  After finding many of the videos i scrolled down the comment list and  picked a few random comments from people who seemed to be big girl admires.  I found that most of those people were anonymous.  I found about 8 out of the 10 horny comments were from people who had no pictures on their pages and no real information about themselves. I was not really surprised because I have found on sites that cater to people who like bbw's and ssbbw many of the most vocal and vulgar men complimenting women are the nameless faceless void.

If you go to any videos that say anything about bbw, large stomach,  huge ass, ssbbw, fat or any other thing you want to find on a big woman you will find many of those videos have  100's of thousands of views and many compliments and  appreciation of  seeing a big cottage cheesy stomach or jiggly thighs or any other part.

The problem I feel is not that we cannot get men but the fat lovers are in the closet just as people who are afraid of what people will think if they let people know they are gay.  Many people are afraid to reveal their inner desires and wants because of the stigma attached to it.  They are worried about the looks and snickers and disapproving  comments.  People are worried about people questioning their judgment and  treating them differently because of their attraction to someone who is not considered by main stream as attractive or the perfect person.

So many people don't allow themselves to do what they want because they are worried about another person's perception of what they should be doing.  That is such a big mistake because one day they will wake up bitter and angry because to late they realized that they should have lived for themselves instead of someone else perception of what they should be doing.